1.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
2.
The farm was used to produce produce.
3.
The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
5.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7.
Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the
present.
8.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10.
I did not object to the object.
11.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12.
There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13.
They were too close to the door to close it.
14.
The buck does funny things when does are present.
15.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
English
is a Crazy Language
Let's
face it -- English is a crazy language.
There
is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.
English
muffins weren't invented in England
nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats
are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We
take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea
nor is it a pig.
And
why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham?
If the
plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2
geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't
it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through
annals of history but not a single annal?
If you
have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you
call it?
If
teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught?
If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
If you
wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all
the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do
people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send
cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and
feet that smell?
Park on driveways and
drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance
and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites?
How can overlook and
oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can the weather be
hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.
Have you noticed that
we talk about certain things only when they are absent?
Have you ever seen a
horseful carriage or a strapful gown? (horseless and strapless)
Met a sung hero or
experienced requited love? (unsung and unrequited)
Have you ever run into
someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? (discombobulated -
disgruntled - unruly - impeccable)
And where are all those
people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at
the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock
goes off by going on.
English was invented by
people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which,
of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the
stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up
my watch, I start it, but when I wind up an essay or a speech, I end it.
You can blow something
to smithereens. Have you ever seen one smithereen?
